Making Changes...

I guess it was a few months ago when I rediscovered my old journal on Xanga.  I have been frantically scrambling to save it.  I had posts dating back to 2005 on it and it took me several hours to save it all.  I didn't save every post, but I chose what I thought was important to keep. 

When I reflect on the changes that have taken place over the last 8 years I have to smile a little, but I must admit that there are a few that make my heart hurt a little too.  I didn't read every entry that I saved, but I read bits and pieces and I often found myself chuckling over something I'd written or exclaiming "I'd forgotten about that!"  I stop blogging on Xanga for almost 4 years.  I know I did keep a regular journal for part of that time, but I also didn't journal at all.  There is a part of me that really wishes I had blogged or taken time to journal more.  Especially during our dating/engagement period.  I remember a lot, but there are probably things that I've forgotten. 

I think I realized that I needed to start keeping track in my journal again because there are a lot of things that are beginning to take place and I don't want to forget them, plus I really am starting to find the need to "brain dump" because we are so busy my mind becomes full of a million different things and writing always helps me clear my head.

Today David and I have our first meeting and will be officially signing up for



This step we are taking today will help us lose the excess weight that we need to get rid of but also help us make some lifestyle changes.  Things like drinking less soda and more water, learning what to chose when we eat out etc.  I think there is a tiny part of me that is scared to death of this transition.  It's completely healthy and I am ready to be thin again, but I also know that it is going to be one of the most rewarding adventures.  David has always had a rough time with his weight (his mom's side is notorious for being very over weight).  Today is a big step for him and with in the next year I will be married to man that looks completely different.  He is excited about it, but I know he's a little scared as well.  I think he knows that his "world" will be seriously changing. He'll be able to do things he's never been able to do before.  One thing on his list is to run a race with the kids in our youth group and be able to beat them.  (I did advise him not to get his hopes up because a couple of our boys are very quick on their feet lol)

Sometimes I realize when doors are opening and closing and I realize that once we step foot into the clinic that we are allowing a door to be closed, but I also know that this is the door we are suppose to go through.  I've told David and I also told my mom that I really feel like this is the next step that God is calling us too.  I don't understand entirely what this new open door will hold for us but I know that we have to prepare ourselves for whatever is ahead. 

One thing that I do feel strongly is that part of this open door will be us having children.  We have been trying to conceive for a long time.  I do think there was one point when I had conceived, but I wasn't far enough along for a test to show.  I just know that I have never been 2 weeks late and I was showing some normal signs of pregnancy and when I "started" it was one of the worst periods of my life.   I realized the other day that if I was pregnant and God chose to not allow us to bring that baby to term that it was okay.  I also know that I went through some really rough emotional times.  The hardest thing was watching friends conceive left and right and it felt like a knife to my heart.  I was happy for them, but wondered why not us. 

God begin to deal with me sometime ago and I started to understand that we would have children, but it would be in his timing.  We have only a faint glimmer of what He has in store for us and it made me pause and realize that I had to fully trust Him to bring one of my biggest dreams to pass on His terms.  As I look back I realize that God has been orchestrating the entire process.  I will admit that I don't always understand why God chooses to go about things in the way that He goes, but I do know that I know that He knows what is best for us and that having children is only one of the things He has in store for us.

When I stop and count the cost I realize that even though my heart yearns for children that I have to be fully prepared for being a parent.  That means that David and I have "to learn to live like no one else so that later we can live like no one else."  I realized that even though that is a oft used line by Dave Ramsey that it really is a profound statement that can be applied to more that just money.  It can apply to our relationship with God.  If we choose to live for God like no one else then later we will live like no one else.  If we learn to eat healthy then we will live and look like no one else and so on and so forth. 

David and I want to change our family tree on so many different levels and I think we didn't realize how much we needed the change until just a few months ago.  We need to change the way our family handles money, we need to change the way our families chose to life in regards to our eating habits.  What we do know will  forever make an impact on our future children.  I really understand that to everything there truly is a season and I'm okay with that, because ultimately I trust HIM.

Until Later!